A Trick Or Treat

Sunday mornings: A "treat" for sinners to come together to worship and praise God. Yes, I will be so blunt to call it a treat... Why? Because it is. I wake up every morning with Jesus. I get into my car several times a day with music praising his name. In random conversations throughout my week, he is mentioned several times, or even the topic. There is no "ME" without "HIM", and that includes "ME" failing "HIM" daily. But, Sunday mornings... There is just something different. Maybe it is the celebration of a congregation full of sinners who are forgiven. A new week to do better, make a difference, and multiply  HIS Kingdom. I heard a debate that Christians shouldn't go to church to be "fed". "Church" is everywhere these days: on the radio, TV, and internet. Stop "feeding" Christians and watch the church starve. But that is my opinion and another blog.  Back to my point... 

I get to church this morning. I am more excited than on most Sundays. I am blessed, I am stressed, and I have missed a few Sundays due to work,  heartbreak, and even selfishness. I am ready... Until, when I get there, And am told someone that showed up to do the exact same thing was faced with devastation. In my sinful mind, we go to church to worship and celebrate, even if we're celebrating with those who mourn with us. "Oh, God, please don't do this to them!" I went to grab my purse and Bible to leave. "I'm supposed to celebrate, worship, and praise now?" I can't!  And He said, "Yes, you are, and yes you can"! What better place to cry out and pray to God?! I stayed. I prayed. And more importantly, I praised. Because no matter my heartbreak, their heartbreak was worse. And what better place could I be other than a place full of sinners who long to be with God? What better place for God to remind me that he is in complete control? What better reminder do I need to remind those I love just how much he is in control?!?  

     I stayed. I prayed. I praised and celebrated just how Awesome my God was no matter what the circumstance was in my life or those I love! And I have no doubt that HE is in any less control than he was over 2,000 years ago when he sacrificed his son because of his love for me and you! Thank you God for loving , reminding me, and allowing me to worship you ALWAYS!!!

I will...

Tonight I will wake up from a dream that you are in. Your dirty fur left over from the brush I last brushed you with will be in my hand. If it isn't, I will panic until I find it. I will smell it and be reminded of your sweet stinky self. I will finally go back to sleep. When I wake up, I will listen for that sometimes ( ok, always) annoying bark at the wind when nothing is there. I will get my coffee and walk outside watching for the poop I always step in. But tomorrow, there will be no annoying bark waking me up, No poop to step in, and no stinky fur to brush. For tonight, I will miss the annoying bark, sniff the dirty fur ball, and purposely not scrape the poop from my shoes that I refuse to clean until I am ready to wear them. I wish I had one more day to be woken up from your bark, one more morning of stepping in your poop, and one more day to bathe you. I will love and miss you forever Casey BoBo Head!!

Dear Best Friend,

You've have loved me since day one. You loved me when I named you "Chloe" and didn't mind it taking someone else making me realize that you were a "him" and not a "her". You loved me through all the times of dressing you up and feeding you hamburger helper with a fork. You loved me when your puppy teeth fell out and the "tooth fairy" gave you the same gift twice. You loved me with moving you to different homes. You loved me through a marriage, and even more when the marriage was gone. You loved me when I made you a brother to kitty cat "Grady" and loved him as your own. Where ever he is, I know he misses his big brother to crawl on and cuddle with. You loved me when I moved away, and welcomed me when I came home. You've loved me when I was sad and happy, struggling and celebrating. You've loved my sweet baby nieces. No matter what, you have always loved me. You have loved me selflessly, and unconditionally. You are my best friend!! And now it's time for me to love you the same way. I will love you selflessly. I'm sorry I couldn't make this better like you always did for me. Thank you for being my best friend forever! I love you Casey Bobo Head. 

Tough week ahead! I've prayed that God would either heal or take my Casey. HE didn't answer the way I had hoped. He said neither. It's time for me to make the selfless sacrifice my BoBo always did for me. I'm so sorry Casey! Thank you for always loving and being my best friend no matter what!!

Every Trial Has A Purpose

I woke up this morning AND I was pumped, excited, and even a little anxious! Don't get me wrong- I love worshipping on Sunday Mornings. But today was different. My brother was going to share his testimony about how God has used my nieces to glorify his kingdom. Did I need to see my brother on stage speaking to hundreds, if not a thousand proving God's almighty power? No. I see it every time I'm with my precious miracle nieces. But, did I need to be reminded that every trial in this life serves a purpose?? YES!! And I had no idea that a testimony from my brother, one that I have been a part of and first hand experienced would remind and make me so aware of God's promises! 

     "Everyone is either in the middle of a trial, coming out of one, or about to go through one". If I am going to be completely honest, I am stuck right in the middle of one (at least I thought I was) right now, finally crawling out of another trial (Hooray), and after today, ready to dive face first on my knees to the next! It's coming. And I'm prepared! For those that have known me a while, you know I've experienced "my share of trials". Everyone who is reading this has, some just not as transparent as others. It took some time, but I have said for a while now that I am thankful for all of it! God has made me a new person, given me a heart for things my eyes never would have been opened to before, and has humbled me to the point of using my shame, guilt, and experiences to love on more of his "kids" than I ever would have before! I'm thankful for past trials. The ones I face everyday, not so much... 

     I knew today was going to be special. I thought because my brother being on stage sharing the amazing things God has done for my family, was going to be why. It was. But there was more... 

     I showed up late this morning (as usual) and before I was able to put my purse and bible down to sing and praise, one of my gymnast was standing beside me telling me she had saved me a seat. I hugged and thanked her while I explained my family came to hear my brother today, but next time I would love to sit with her. (Don't worry, Jesus smacked me in the head) It took less than a minute for me to realize how precious and special it was that my gymnast wanted to worship with ME and what an amazing opportunity that was! I looked around and finally found her! I spent the first part of worship right beside her singing and praising!

     I made my way back to my seat and listened to my brother share his and Abby's (my sister in law) story. I was sitting next to that faithful servant who has endured every struggle with grace and obedience. I looked around and saw my family who has been there through day one, praying, supporting, and always helping to carry the burdens of my loved ones. I cried. If that would have been a stranger on stage, I still would have cried. What an awesome testimony from someone who just so happened to be my brother!! Wow!! It was awesome!!! 

     And then, the icing on the cake: The band started the closing song, Finding Favour "Say Amen". A "past gym mom" (I coached her daughter 15 years ago) sent that song to me after reading a blog I wrote a few months ago. We both talked about how awesome it would be if my brother sang the song in church. That song has become my favorite, and this morning while the band was closing, they sang it! I saw that "gym mama"on the second row and I ran to her! I'm not one to be in the "front row", but I didn't care! I didn't walk. I didn't think. I ran. And when I did, her daughter, my past gymnast was there. We hugged, we sang, and tears were flowing. 

     Every trial does have a purpose. I've seen my share. I have never been through one alone, even if I thought I was at times. Today, I was reminded of my purpose, thankful for storms that have opened my eyes, and thankful for the unconditional love God has blessed me with! My heart is full, climbing to the mountaintop, stuck in the valley, and even when I fall off the cliff! I am blessed through it all!! 

           

Happy First Birthday in Heaven!

I don't know what time it is in Heaven, but it's midnight here... So, Happy Birthday!! I know you're busy "up there" having the best time ever, but I wish you could have seen the celebration tonight in your honor. I pulled into your driveway tonight, late, as usual ( we always had that in common), wearing blue and blasting your speaker in my jeep! Cars were everywhere! I almost lost it then. But, I didn't. I walked in around to the pool, that was covered with people sharing stories about you. So much laughter! It was great! Your friends were there and so was your family! Your dad obviously had been cooking all morning, day, and night. They had prepared a feast  in your honor! We sang Happy Birthday to you. Kylie and Brett blew out your candles,  and I've never wanted to scream "Roll Tide" so loud and proud in all my life!  If you ever doubted how loved you were, I wish you could have seen tonight! You loved everyone you met (including me)! Thank you for your hugs and "I love you's"! Your life and death have reached more people than you will ever know!! I can't wait for you to welcome me at those gates with that same hug and "I love you". Happy First Birthday in Heaven Austin! Roll Tide!! 

I may never walk my child to their first Kindergarten class, BUT...

I wrote a post on Facebook Monday night sharing my heart about the possibilities of never having a child, but how I experienced one of greatest joys of being an aunt that day. In that post I wrote, "I may never walk my child to their first Kindergarten class, but...".

     I spent yesterday morning in the office of my favorite doctor, but at the most dreaded appointment us women have to visit "yearly". I've never met a female who enjoys those "visits", but for me, it's a little different. This time last year that same doctor held my hands and prayed a mighty prayer that God would bless me with a Godly man, as my "time was ticking". Yesterday, he hugged me and told me how much he loved me, and I know he genuinely means it. There was no way to try hide the "big elephant" in the room and he didn't try to tip toe around it.  With love, gentleness and prayer, he let me know that as my doctor he wouldn't be dishonest with me, but more importantly we serve an amazing God whose plans are always better than our own and is still in the miracle business. 

       I spent very little time on Facebook this morning trying to get ready for a busy day, but I did enjoy seeing pictures of kids in their school uniforms holding signs saying "First day of ___ grade". And then, one of my gym babies shows up for her private lesson today in her plaid uniform dress after her first day of kindergarten. I dropped to my knees and hugged the preciousness out her bones! I have to admit the tears started coming! Tears of Joy? Tears of, "I love these kids and consider them my babies too. And wow! They are growing up"! I spentthe afternoon excitedly asking questions and listening to "first day of school stories"!l I was hugged on, loved on, thanked by parents, and appreciated. Today was a great day! UNTIL... I let one little "negative person" (who wasn't even negative towards me) change my mood. I went home to relax after a very long day, and all of the sudden the "first day of school" pics and posts started weighing on my heart. The, "I may never walk my child to their first kindergarten class, but..."  suddenly became "Oh, God! I may never walk my child to their first Kindergarten class!"

Dear Satan- you are so bad you're good! To use my situation and one negative person to try to grab ahold of me was smart. And you did it. You won. BUT only for a few minutes!! My God is so much more powerful than you and he will always win! 

Lesson of the day: I do not want to be the "Debbie Downer/Negative Nelda whose bad attitude causes someone else to stumble. I too am guilty of letting Life's stress and anxiety bring my attitude down! And next time I am faced with "negativity", I hope and pray I can either ignore it, or smack the negativity right off their lips (with love and encouragement, of course! 😄)!!!

https://www.facebook.com/april.dorminey/posts/10202308734661414

Calling ALL Prayer Warriors!!!

This time last year I KNEW something was going on with my back. I fought hard to ignore and try to downplay the pain. Most of you know how hard I fought back surgery, and when I FINALLY allowed God control of my health I was only disappointed that I didn't listen earlier. Back surgery/recovery was tough. But what was "tougher" was being told 10 weeks later that I didn't have enough disc left to "heal/cushion" my spine, and I needed a spinal fusion. That was also when my amazing group of prayer warriors allowed God to SHOW OFF!!! I'll never forget the day I called the doctor's office to cancel my MRI and back surgery #2 (spinal fusion) appointment. I'm sure the lady who answered the phone thought I was crazy (not that she was wrong in thinking that)!! " I need to cancel my appointment. God has healed me and my pain is manageable!"  

God is the ultimate physician! There is nothing he can't heal and no pain that he can't take away!! I've experienced it first hand with my own experience, watched as he healed and protected my amazing nieces with brain disorders, and always amazed with his miracles that I hear about constantly! 

I literally smacked myself right in the forehead around 3:30 this morning. I've always been "the stubborn child" (just ask my parents)! When will I learn?!? Here I go again... I noticed some familiar back pain weeks ago. My mind went straight to "ignore it. It's nothing. It will go away if I pretend it's not there". That helped A LOT, says no one EVER!! 

I have some very exciting things going on in my life right now and this Back pain might be Satan's way of trying to steal my joy. Not this time!!! So, here I am once again calling my awesome group of prayer warriors asking for help!  Please help me pray this pain away!!  I serve the ONE who hears prayers, heals, and always helps!! Love you all!!! 

It's Storming... But, I'm still praising...

When it rains, it pours. At least that seems to be the case lately. I feel like I have been on an emotional roller coaster and I want nothing more than to get off this ride!! One minute I'm going up hill excited with my arms in the air and before I know it I am hanging on for dear life, falling face first being slung in all different directions. Right before I think I'm climbing the mountain to "calm-ness", and almost ready to be able to enjoy the view-BAM!! I'm being thrown down by that stupid roller coaster! The past week I've been let down by more than one person, stressed, exhausted, heartbroken, etc. Today, when I woke up I had big hopes of this week turning around. It's hump day and I'm ready to see that mountain top view. Whoa! Was I wrong! Today life as I've known it was completely turned upside down. I get in the car and "Praise You In This Storm" by Casting Crowns was on the radio. Less than 30 minutes later the rain was pouring and the thunder rumbling. During that storm, I was right where I needed to be doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing. All though, I can't see or understand it right now, I was also exactly where I needed to be 30 minutes before, yesterday, every other day of the past very disappointing week, and even before. Lately, I've been let down and disappointed by people, but I've also been blessed by many others. I've been frustrated and even heartbroken by situations, but I've been prayed for, loved on and supported. I've been exhausted, worn out, and stressed, but also felt a certain peace, relaxation, and strength. My life wasn't turned upside down today, even if it felt like it. Today was the reminder I needed and push of God saying, " Let Go! Arms high and enjoy the ride! Surely you know by now that I've already got this"!

"The Muslim and Me- Reunited"

While picking up dinner tonight, I couldn't stop thinking about the gas station that was only a few seconds away. For those of you that read my Facebook posts, you might remember my post about "Salma", my Muslim friend ( for those that don't, I will attach post). I was just there a few hours ago and was able to say hi to my friend. She was busy though, and the  line was long, so I said hello and left. The thought of visiting, wouldn't leave me alone, so after I picked up my food, I drove by Salma's store. The parking lot was empty, so I pulled in. I walked in and you could feel the excitement on her face for my visit. Tonight, I did not hold hands and pray for my Muslim friend. Tonight, I stood and talked with her as we shared our life. She told me about her God, and I told her about mine. We discussed the similarities in our culture/religion, and she shared things about her life. Tonight, she grabbed my hand. Not to pray, just to talk. AND to let me know she appreciated my company. She squeezed my hand tight, and after what took more than your average "girl time planning" ( our diets are different, she can not shop for the same clothes I would buy, she has to pray at specific times 5 times a day, etc, she invited me to her home to eat. I agreed. We exchanged phone numbers. As I was leaving she asked If I would help her with her English. What an honor. What a privilege. It's easy to be friends with someone that believes what you do, and has the same background. It just might be easier to have a friend with a language barrier and completely different beliefs! I am excited about my new friend, and even more excited to be given the opportunity to share my God with someone who has never known him.

https://www.facebook.com/april.dorminey/posts/10201843831039114

His plans

Jeremiah 29:11: The comfort I have found in what has become one of my favorite bible verses for years is Jeremiah 29:11. When I felt loss: Jeremiah 29:11. When I was scared: Jeremiah 29:11. When I was sad: Jeremiah 29:11. When I was confused: Jeremiah 29:11. When I needed comfort for fears, worry, and anxiety: Jeremiah 29:11. When I needed motivation: Jeremiah 29:11. When I went from married wife, nice salary, living in a beautiful home with a vehicle to drive, to all alone, jobless, car taken away, and moving into my parents' home: Jeremiah 29:11. Moving to a different state to start over. A diagnosis that would affect my fertility in the future. Moving home back to my parents' yet again, because starting over didn't work out like I had hoped, searching for a career, working two jobs, a back surgery, a third neice being born, brain surgery for my neice, contemplating a second back surgery, a job offer, loss of loved ones, prayers for friends.... The list goes on and on, but the "back bone" of my life has been Jeremiah 29:11 "The plans I have for you, declares The Lord..." I've lost count how many times have I comforted someone with the same verse that has encouraged and given me strength all these years. And yet, tonight, when that feeling "of being kicked right in the center of my "gut", I completely abandoned the promise of Jeremiah 29:11. I went straight from "His plan" to "That is not what I had in mind! No way God wants this"! My selfish heart said "He took away this (blank), but gave me this (blank)". "SO SURELY, HE WOULDN'T take away that too!!!" 

I wrote this a few nights ago. It took today, sitting in church being reminded of Job. The sermon was about John, but God knew that I needed to remember Job. It was less than a month ago that I was sharing Job's story with a friend. Her loss is huge, and one night my eyes found a devotional sharing Job's strength. I couldn't "not tell" her about what I had read. This morning when I heard the preacher mention Job in his sermon about John, that was God, very clearly speaking to "ME" his daughter. He took away (blank), and even if he takes away (blank), I will serve and I will praise. If God strips everything good from my life, I pray to be like Job and follow, love, and never doubt his plan!!

"The Calm Before The Storm"

Whew! What a week! I've spent the week doing my usual running back and forth between two jobs. It's Wednesday night. The night I realize that I'm passed the "halfway point" of another crazy week. A storm is coming. I'm getting ready for bed. I'm ready to listen to rain drops on my window as I drift off for the night. I've got a big stinky dog at my feet who will be guarding my bedroom door for the night. And tonight I'm excited about peaceful rest. Even after all the stress, worry, anxiety from the past 3 days of working 2 jobs, trying to please everyone but myself, bills, to do lists, things I've neglected, schedule change, schedule conflict, doctors appointment, trying to do too many things at once, with terrible organizational skills, tonight I am at peace. I am overwhelmed by the peace and relaxation I am feeling right now. What didn't get done today I will tackle tomorrow. Worries, unpaid bills, and a lengthy to do list will be waiting for me in the morning. Tonight, my heart was filled with thankfulness. And that led to and overwhelming sense of peace. A storm is coming. After a good night of rest, I will be ready for it! 

"Welcome Home"

Standing in line at the register of the famous Walmart. The line is long, but I am next. Time must have frozen while I was mentally going through my shopping list making sure I got everything I needed. Finally it hit me. "Good grief I've been standing here forever!!" I looked up and noticed the guy in front of me handing the employee something he intended on buying. I assumed the price was incorrect (this was the second register I was in because the first had some confusion on the cost of an item being purchased). Finally my thoughts cleared and I overheard "Welcome home. What are your plans now?" I remembered those same words spoken to me a few years ago. I always answered with a fake smile in my attempt to be positive and sugarcoat my circumstance. "Where ever God leads me", or "I'm praying and patiently waiting for God's plan and timing". For the most part, that was true, but on the inside my heart was broken and I cried out to God everyday. "Not again. Why God? This isn't how it was supposed to be. Will I ever get it right? How are you going to fix this? When is it going to get better?" I realized the guy in front of me was putting back items he couldn't afford. I saw through his smile as he tried to be excited about what's next. He starts a new job tomorrow. As he made excuses for why his card was being declined, I couldn't stop thinking about the people who stepped in during my struggles and loved, cared for and supported me. Before he was able to grab something else from his purchases that he couldn't pay for, I swiped my debit card and paid for what was left. I hope he sleeps peacefully tonight ready to succeed at his new job tomorrow. I pray when sadness sinks in, he will smile because of tonight. I pray when his life is back on track, he will remember tonight and share his light in someone else's darkness. Most importantly, tonight I am stuck with the employee's words as he left. "You've been blessed. Now go use your blessing to help someone else." She has said that before to other customers. She has perfected her "saying". Tonight was no surprise to her, because she obviously has seen it before. And more than once. We live a dark world. The news we hear on Tv and listen to on the radio can shake our world. But maybe, JUST MAYBE, this world is becoming a little better everyday from those who never make the news.

"I Will Catch You When You Fall" Faith, Fear And Gold Medals

Fear- It's real. Fear can cripple you, steal you of your joy, and can control you. Whether it is fear of a monster, fear of your future, or fear of the "high beam", Fear can stop you in your tracks, lead to bad decisions, and change your entire outlook on life. One of my gymnasts is terrified of the High Beam. On a beam lower to the ground, she is confident, graceful, and has the posture and poise of a champion. The minute she stands on a taller beam, she is shaky, scared, and her balance crumbles. To help her conquer her fear, I stand beside her and remind her that "I will catch her if she falls". While she practices her routine, I stand close, arms beside her, ready to catch her if she gets into trouble. Tonight, while wiping away tears of my terrified gymnast trying to overcome her fear, she looked at me said, "You will catch me if I fall". It wasn't a question. It wasn't doubt. It was the reminder that I have given her to help comfort her fear. It was a trust that has taken a little longer than most to be built up. But tonight, she was reminding herself, trying to let go of that fear. I stood beside her while she did her beam routine on the high beam. My arms  were lifted and close, but I never touched her. She performed with confidence, poise, and grace that even impressed the judge. What a perfect reminder of God "catching us when we fall". He doesn't promise that we won't fall, but that when we do, and put our trust in him, he will catch us and help our feet land safely on the ground. I need to have the faith and confidence that my gymnast had in me tonight. I won't ask God about falling. I will remind myself that when I do, he will catch me. And I will be safe!

I wrote this over 2 months ago (but like most of my blogs that I write, I never published it). We had a "practice meet" with a "real judge" to prepare for meet season. Yesterday we had our first "real competition" with several "real judges". I watched that sweet child who has overcome a HUGE fear, perform her beam routine like a true champion. She did fall, but not from fear, and she landed safely on her feet. She climbed right back on the beam and finished with confidence. Not only did she conquer her fear, she won the meet in her age division!!! 

And this is what I learned from my Gold Medalist... 

You might be afraid. Fearful of financial issues, future, failure, health, careers, etc, BUT when you "pray that fear away", you will be able to live like the Champion you are. After all, we all have our "Gold Medal" waiting for us!!

I am so thankful for the life lessons these children teach and remind me of daily!!!

The Four Letter Word: BLOG

I am constantly being asked when am I going to write a book. Those questions and comments always make me smile. Mostly, because I am laughing on the inside. Sure, it's sweet and even adorable when loved ones feel you have a special gift. But... A Book?? "Who in the world wants to read my thoughts?" "A book is like, really long." "Living with ADHD, I rarely finish the books I buy to read myself." "Only famous people write books." "That's a lot of paper." "My dog might eat it." "Wait, what are we talking about?" You get the picture. A few people mentioned I should do this thing called "blogging". BLAH-ggg??? The week I had more random people suggest I start a blog than the number of days of that week, I was convinced. "OK GOD!! I hear you!! It has taken more than two weeks to figure some of this "blog" stuff out. I STILL have no idea what I am doing. They say not to judge a book by it's cover. My hope is that you don't judge "this Blog by the page". I'm learning. This is my very own "work in progress". Several years ago a very wise woman told me that one day, I would be able to use my life struggles for God, and that my past will lead others to HIM. I am no saint. I'm a sinner saved by God's amazing grace. I've been held in the arms of my savior. I've ran and even hidden as far as I could from my savior. And like the Prodigal Son, I've always been welcomed home with the loving, forgiving, open arms of my savior. And every morning I pray to become more and more like my savior. My purpose for "blogging" is to encourage others, allow you to laugh at my expense (spend one day in my world, and you will be given the biggest belly laugh), and to put into words my thoughts at night when I am un-winding from a long stressful day. This is me: I'm a daughter. I'm a grand daughter, I'm a sister. I'm a friend. I'm an aunt to 3 precious miracles. I'm a coach. I've made mistakes. I've learned. A LOT. I've celebrated many victories. I've suffered and endured many struggles. Through it all, I've been loved. I will gladly use my victories, struggles, and mistakes to encourage, prevent, and relate to others. I AM BEAUTIFULLY BROKEN. "Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, "My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, So that the power of Christ may work through me. Since I know it is all for Christ's good, I am quite content with my weaknesses and with insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For When I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:8-10