I may never walk my child to their first Kindergarten class, BUT...

I wrote a post on Facebook Monday night sharing my heart about the possibilities of never having a child, but how I experienced one of greatest joys of being an aunt that day. In that post I wrote, "I may never walk my child to their first Kindergarten class, but...".

     I spent yesterday morning in the office of my favorite doctor, but at the most dreaded appointment us women have to visit "yearly". I've never met a female who enjoys those "visits", but for me, it's a little different. This time last year that same doctor held my hands and prayed a mighty prayer that God would bless me with a Godly man, as my "time was ticking". Yesterday, he hugged me and told me how much he loved me, and I know he genuinely means it. There was no way to try hide the "big elephant" in the room and he didn't try to tip toe around it.  With love, gentleness and prayer, he let me know that as my doctor he wouldn't be dishonest with me, but more importantly we serve an amazing God whose plans are always better than our own and is still in the miracle business. 

       I spent very little time on Facebook this morning trying to get ready for a busy day, but I did enjoy seeing pictures of kids in their school uniforms holding signs saying "First day of ___ grade". And then, one of my gym babies shows up for her private lesson today in her plaid uniform dress after her first day of kindergarten. I dropped to my knees and hugged the preciousness out her bones! I have to admit the tears started coming! Tears of Joy? Tears of, "I love these kids and consider them my babies too. And wow! They are growing up"! I spentthe afternoon excitedly asking questions and listening to "first day of school stories"!l I was hugged on, loved on, thanked by parents, and appreciated. Today was a great day! UNTIL... I let one little "negative person" (who wasn't even negative towards me) change my mood. I went home to relax after a very long day, and all of the sudden the "first day of school" pics and posts started weighing on my heart. The, "I may never walk my child to their first kindergarten class, but..."  suddenly became "Oh, God! I may never walk my child to their first Kindergarten class!"

Dear Satan- you are so bad you're good! To use my situation and one negative person to try to grab ahold of me was smart. And you did it. You won. BUT only for a few minutes!! My God is so much more powerful than you and he will always win! 

Lesson of the day: I do not want to be the "Debbie Downer/Negative Nelda whose bad attitude causes someone else to stumble. I too am guilty of letting Life's stress and anxiety bring my attitude down! And next time I am faced with "negativity", I hope and pray I can either ignore it, or smack the negativity right off their lips (with love and encouragement, of course! 😄)!!!

https://www.facebook.com/april.dorminey/posts/10202308734661414

Calling ALL Prayer Warriors!!!

This time last year I KNEW something was going on with my back. I fought hard to ignore and try to downplay the pain. Most of you know how hard I fought back surgery, and when I FINALLY allowed God control of my health I was only disappointed that I didn't listen earlier. Back surgery/recovery was tough. But what was "tougher" was being told 10 weeks later that I didn't have enough disc left to "heal/cushion" my spine, and I needed a spinal fusion. That was also when my amazing group of prayer warriors allowed God to SHOW OFF!!! I'll never forget the day I called the doctor's office to cancel my MRI and back surgery #2 (spinal fusion) appointment. I'm sure the lady who answered the phone thought I was crazy (not that she was wrong in thinking that)!! " I need to cancel my appointment. God has healed me and my pain is manageable!"  

God is the ultimate physician! There is nothing he can't heal and no pain that he can't take away!! I've experienced it first hand with my own experience, watched as he healed and protected my amazing nieces with brain disorders, and always amazed with his miracles that I hear about constantly! 

I literally smacked myself right in the forehead around 3:30 this morning. I've always been "the stubborn child" (just ask my parents)! When will I learn?!? Here I go again... I noticed some familiar back pain weeks ago. My mind went straight to "ignore it. It's nothing. It will go away if I pretend it's not there". That helped A LOT, says no one EVER!! 

I have some very exciting things going on in my life right now and this Back pain might be Satan's way of trying to steal my joy. Not this time!!! So, here I am once again calling my awesome group of prayer warriors asking for help!  Please help me pray this pain away!!  I serve the ONE who hears prayers, heals, and always helps!! Love you all!!! 

It's Storming... But, I'm still praising...

When it rains, it pours. At least that seems to be the case lately. I feel like I have been on an emotional roller coaster and I want nothing more than to get off this ride!! One minute I'm going up hill excited with my arms in the air and before I know it I am hanging on for dear life, falling face first being slung in all different directions. Right before I think I'm climbing the mountain to "calm-ness", and almost ready to be able to enjoy the view-BAM!! I'm being thrown down by that stupid roller coaster! The past week I've been let down by more than one person, stressed, exhausted, heartbroken, etc. Today, when I woke up I had big hopes of this week turning around. It's hump day and I'm ready to see that mountain top view. Whoa! Was I wrong! Today life as I've known it was completely turned upside down. I get in the car and "Praise You In This Storm" by Casting Crowns was on the radio. Less than 30 minutes later the rain was pouring and the thunder rumbling. During that storm, I was right where I needed to be doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing. All though, I can't see or understand it right now, I was also exactly where I needed to be 30 minutes before, yesterday, every other day of the past very disappointing week, and even before. Lately, I've been let down and disappointed by people, but I've also been blessed by many others. I've been frustrated and even heartbroken by situations, but I've been prayed for, loved on and supported. I've been exhausted, worn out, and stressed, but also felt a certain peace, relaxation, and strength. My life wasn't turned upside down today, even if it felt like it. Today was the reminder I needed and push of God saying, " Let Go! Arms high and enjoy the ride! Surely you know by now that I've already got this"!

"The Muslim and Me- Reunited"

While picking up dinner tonight, I couldn't stop thinking about the gas station that was only a few seconds away. For those of you that read my Facebook posts, you might remember my post about "Salma", my Muslim friend ( for those that don't, I will attach post). I was just there a few hours ago and was able to say hi to my friend. She was busy though, and the  line was long, so I said hello and left. The thought of visiting, wouldn't leave me alone, so after I picked up my food, I drove by Salma's store. The parking lot was empty, so I pulled in. I walked in and you could feel the excitement on her face for my visit. Tonight, I did not hold hands and pray for my Muslim friend. Tonight, I stood and talked with her as we shared our life. She told me about her God, and I told her about mine. We discussed the similarities in our culture/religion, and she shared things about her life. Tonight, she grabbed my hand. Not to pray, just to talk. AND to let me know she appreciated my company. She squeezed my hand tight, and after what took more than your average "girl time planning" ( our diets are different, she can not shop for the same clothes I would buy, she has to pray at specific times 5 times a day, etc, she invited me to her home to eat. I agreed. We exchanged phone numbers. As I was leaving she asked If I would help her with her English. What an honor. What a privilege. It's easy to be friends with someone that believes what you do, and has the same background. It just might be easier to have a friend with a language barrier and completely different beliefs! I am excited about my new friend, and even more excited to be given the opportunity to share my God with someone who has never known him.

https://www.facebook.com/april.dorminey/posts/10201843831039114

His plans

Jeremiah 29:11: The comfort I have found in what has become one of my favorite bible verses for years is Jeremiah 29:11. When I felt loss: Jeremiah 29:11. When I was scared: Jeremiah 29:11. When I was sad: Jeremiah 29:11. When I was confused: Jeremiah 29:11. When I needed comfort for fears, worry, and anxiety: Jeremiah 29:11. When I needed motivation: Jeremiah 29:11. When I went from married wife, nice salary, living in a beautiful home with a vehicle to drive, to all alone, jobless, car taken away, and moving into my parents' home: Jeremiah 29:11. Moving to a different state to start over. A diagnosis that would affect my fertility in the future. Moving home back to my parents' yet again, because starting over didn't work out like I had hoped, searching for a career, working two jobs, a back surgery, a third neice being born, brain surgery for my neice, contemplating a second back surgery, a job offer, loss of loved ones, prayers for friends.... The list goes on and on, but the "back bone" of my life has been Jeremiah 29:11 "The plans I have for you, declares The Lord..." I've lost count how many times have I comforted someone with the same verse that has encouraged and given me strength all these years. And yet, tonight, when that feeling "of being kicked right in the center of my "gut", I completely abandoned the promise of Jeremiah 29:11. I went straight from "His plan" to "That is not what I had in mind! No way God wants this"! My selfish heart said "He took away this (blank), but gave me this (blank)". "SO SURELY, HE WOULDN'T take away that too!!!" 

I wrote this a few nights ago. It took today, sitting in church being reminded of Job. The sermon was about John, but God knew that I needed to remember Job. It was less than a month ago that I was sharing Job's story with a friend. Her loss is huge, and one night my eyes found a devotional sharing Job's strength. I couldn't "not tell" her about what I had read. This morning when I heard the preacher mention Job in his sermon about John, that was God, very clearly speaking to "ME" his daughter. He took away (blank), and even if he takes away (blank), I will serve and I will praise. If God strips everything good from my life, I pray to be like Job and follow, love, and never doubt his plan!!

"The Calm Before The Storm"

Whew! What a week! I've spent the week doing my usual running back and forth between two jobs. It's Wednesday night. The night I realize that I'm passed the "halfway point" of another crazy week. A storm is coming. I'm getting ready for bed. I'm ready to listen to rain drops on my window as I drift off for the night. I've got a big stinky dog at my feet who will be guarding my bedroom door for the night. And tonight I'm excited about peaceful rest. Even after all the stress, worry, anxiety from the past 3 days of working 2 jobs, trying to please everyone but myself, bills, to do lists, things I've neglected, schedule change, schedule conflict, doctors appointment, trying to do too many things at once, with terrible organizational skills, tonight I am at peace. I am overwhelmed by the peace and relaxation I am feeling right now. What didn't get done today I will tackle tomorrow. Worries, unpaid bills, and a lengthy to do list will be waiting for me in the morning. Tonight, my heart was filled with thankfulness. And that led to and overwhelming sense of peace. A storm is coming. After a good night of rest, I will be ready for it! 

"Welcome Home"

Standing in line at the register of the famous Walmart. The line is long, but I am next. Time must have frozen while I was mentally going through my shopping list making sure I got everything I needed. Finally it hit me. "Good grief I've been standing here forever!!" I looked up and noticed the guy in front of me handing the employee something he intended on buying. I assumed the price was incorrect (this was the second register I was in because the first had some confusion on the cost of an item being purchased). Finally my thoughts cleared and I overheard "Welcome home. What are your plans now?" I remembered those same words spoken to me a few years ago. I always answered with a fake smile in my attempt to be positive and sugarcoat my circumstance. "Where ever God leads me", or "I'm praying and patiently waiting for God's plan and timing". For the most part, that was true, but on the inside my heart was broken and I cried out to God everyday. "Not again. Why God? This isn't how it was supposed to be. Will I ever get it right? How are you going to fix this? When is it going to get better?" I realized the guy in front of me was putting back items he couldn't afford. I saw through his smile as he tried to be excited about what's next. He starts a new job tomorrow. As he made excuses for why his card was being declined, I couldn't stop thinking about the people who stepped in during my struggles and loved, cared for and supported me. Before he was able to grab something else from his purchases that he couldn't pay for, I swiped my debit card and paid for what was left. I hope he sleeps peacefully tonight ready to succeed at his new job tomorrow. I pray when sadness sinks in, he will smile because of tonight. I pray when his life is back on track, he will remember tonight and share his light in someone else's darkness. Most importantly, tonight I am stuck with the employee's words as he left. "You've been blessed. Now go use your blessing to help someone else." She has said that before to other customers. She has perfected her "saying". Tonight was no surprise to her, because she obviously has seen it before. And more than once. We live a dark world. The news we hear on Tv and listen to on the radio can shake our world. But maybe, JUST MAYBE, this world is becoming a little better everyday from those who never make the news.